Thursday, July 23, 2009

File under C for catharsis

Day three following night three of not drinking. Not that I don't miss it. It helps though to remember how foul it tasted when I missed my meds. It occurred to me that different meds clear the system at different rates, so the metallic taste I get when I miss taking the whole batch could be from one staying in my system longer, interacting with the alcohol/taste buds.

The catharsis was that on the first day without drinking the night before, I felt so much better. Now that I am on day three, I still feel better but now I want improvement on the day before. I want joy, giddiness, mania. I miss mania.

Something I should share with you, and also mention so I can better remember it: improvement takes practice. You (and I) have to practice staying "Up" because we are working to NOT be that depressed/manic person being treated.

Did that make sense? We are used to being the bipolar fuck-up, low self-esteem, self-hating, fast talking, volatile person who sought treatment in the first place.

Still is a bit vague. I am not used to feeling better so I have to stay focused on what it is like so I can repeat it more easily every day. Like playing scales on the piano.

That's the best I can do right now. This is a blog, not a treatise.

Going to put on socks and shoes, do a little work and walk the dogs.

I did exercise a LOT of patience and finally got through the phone calls necessary to get refunds for two pair of shoes purchased on line that I returned in June. Yay me. Way to go John. You are soooooo badass.

Hey, it is real money, off my credit card, don't have to pay, persistence paid off, got what I deserve, didn't settle for less, did not compromise.

That's practice, isn't it?

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