I have suffered with bipolar disorder for as long as I can remember—age five or so. The distinguishing characteristic is suicide ideation. It has always been a normal part of my life's to-do list. An out when things became too intense, too boring or simply complete. I grew up embracing the lyrics from a song by 'The Who'—"Hope I die before I get old." Now I am 59, old by the Who's standard and that line has been burned into my psyche like a familiar blues tune.
I committed to this as self-therapy. A cheap(er) way to vent, share and stretch the value of the cognitive therapy for which I pay dearly. Some entries will describe and expound upon current moods, some will be recollections—some banal, some painful experiences.
I hope some of this will help others, encouraging them to open up and learn they are not alone in the often desperate need to explain the unexplainable.